"The Blessing" My story of Hope, Faith and Love

Today is the day. As we load up the baby, just 4 weeks old now, all I can think about is how long this car trip is going to be. Scott looks so happy sitting in his car seat flapping his hands with the biggest grin on his face. Brian starts the car turns on the heat and puts in Scott's Favorite CD. Barney the Dinosaur is singing, with Scott humming along and the baby is asleep. The entire trip Brian and I never speak a word. My stomach is filled with butterflies. All I can think about is what is about to come. Today is the day we get the news that will affect the rest of our lives.

After about an hour in the car, we exit the freeway and we soon realize that navigating downtown Denver will only add to our anxiety. Cars are bumper to bumper, horns are honking as pedestrians squeeze in between. I look at our map quest directions and notice we are going the wrong way. By now Barney's CD has stop playing and Scott is getting restless, which then awakens the baby. Brian starts to loose his cool when every side street he tries is a One Way street. Finally we get the car tuned around and make our way to the Children's Hospital.

The butterflies in my stomach tell me we are getting closer to the hospital. As Brian pulls into the parking garage, we begin the process of putting on our hats and gloves. Brian opens the back door and the cold Colorado air takes our breath away as it rushes through the car. He unloads the two seated stroller and helps Scott in. Laura wakes up as he is pulling her from her car seat. Scott loves the wind blowing on his face! He stiffens his body with excitement! He begins flapping his hands and drool runs down his chin as he is grinning ear to ear. With his bright red nose, Scott screeches with joy as another burst of cold air sweeps the drool across his cheek. We make our way into the hospital.

The Child Development Unit is located on the 4th floor. While waiting for the elevator, my nerves make me feel as if I am going to be sick. Brian and I look at each. Without saying a word, we both know what the other is thinking. Scott does not like riding in elevators. We are finally able to lure him in by waving Goldfish snacks in front of his face. As the doors close, I can see a look of fear forming on Scott's face. Brian sings him the Barney "I Love You" song. This calms him down long enough for us to reach the 4th floor. After we sign in we are escorted to the waiting room. Some of the children waiting are playing and some are fussing. Scott keeps himself occupied by pacing the halls and slamming all of the doors as dad chases him. We are not waiting long before Scott's doctor greets us. She invites us to talk in her office.

As she closes the door behind us, I can see that what she has to say is not all good. Scott finds some cars and blocks in a basket on the floor. This keeps him busy so she can speak with us. She breaks the ice by telling us how cute Scott is and how healthy he is. She then begins to explain to us the reasons why, at the age of 4, Scott is not talking. How it is more prevalent in boys than in girls. How 1 out of 166 children are diagnosed with it. She informs us how the simplest of life skills will be a challenge for Scott. Soon my ears are ringing. I see her lips moving but I can't hear a word she is saying. The butterflies have developed into nausea. Brian looks as pale as I feel. My palms begin to sweat and my heart is pounding.

"What?" My head begins to spin as my brain tries to process what she has just told us. My sweet boy! Did we do something wrong? Brian takes my hand and squeezes it hard as if to say "I'm Here". But how, I ate all of the right things, took care of myself. How can our little boy have Autism?

And there it was, the news that will affect the rest of our lives.

Now 4 years later, we still do not fully understand what Autism is, as well as many parents and professionals. Autism has certainly affected every aspect of our lives. Everything we do, everywhere we go, is defined by Scott. She was right! The simplest of life skills are big challenges. As we are able to make it over one hurdle there is always another one waiting for us to conquer. As much as I wish his autism were not there, I can not in imagine our lives any differently. Today I see that autism as a "Blessing", a hurdle that has brought us to where we are truly meant to be.

When we were thrust into the autism world 4 years ago, we had a fear unlike something we had ever known. As we traveled along the path of the disability world we became stronger as a family, secure in our marriage and protected in our faith. The bonds that we have formed with other families of children with special needs, we otherwise would have never met, are bonds that last a lifetime.

So yes we are indeed blessed.